How Do I Tell Them?

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We started getting the calls at 6:18 AM. First my wife’s phone rang and then my phone. I grabbed for mine but I was too late it had already stopped but I could still see who was calling on the screen. Then my wife’s phone rang again and it was her sister one more time. Kas’s grandmother had been in the hospital and was having a really hard time so we were concerned that the call we were getting was about her……We were wrong!!! This call was about my wife’s mother. Diana was 48 years old and woke in the middle of the night with stomach pains, called 911, and then had a massive heart attack in the ambulance on the way to the hospital where they could not bring her back. She was gone.

The hospital needed someone there to identify her so my wife told her sister that we would go do it and take care of things. We quickly got dressed and took the 45 minute drive to the hospital. I begged Kas to let me handle it but she said no that she had to do it herself. So we walked in the room and saw Diana there on the bed and it was a very emotional time. I could not hold my wife tight enough…I wanted to take her pain away but I couldn’t and it broke my heart. We stayed there for a few minutes and then spoke with the doctor before going to meet her sister. We knew that we had a difficult day ahead of us for sure. We all went to the funeral home and made the arrangements and then to the cemetery and picked out a burial plot.

That afternoon, we headed to the nursing home where Diana worked and that she had her mother placed two days before after her last stay in the hospital. We had to tell her mother that she had passed away and this was really tough because of her recent medical situation. We were really concerned about telling her but knew that she would want and deserved the truth. We all walked into her room and she just lit up so happy to see us. Remember that this is where Diana worked and all of the nurses and techs knew already and were trying to keep it from her mother until we arrived to tell her. Well, we told her the obviously devastating news and it was a moment that I will never forget.

The hardest task for me was still to come. Telling my children. All of their lives, I have tried to protect them from pain and other harm. Now, I am going to be the one to break their little hearts. They were staying at my mother’s house for the weekend. My mother knew but was keeping them away from Facebook, email, etc. so that they would not find out before we arrived. When we arrived, my daughter was outside and she asked what we were doing there. We told her to come inside and she said oh no somethings wrong. Poor baby thought her cat had died. We went into my mother’s room where my son and she were watching a movie and then we closed the door. My wife stood by one of the kids and I stood by the other one. I opened my mouth but the words didn’t want to come out because they knew something was wrong and I was going to crush them when I told them what it was….I told them.

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  1. So sorry for your loss. We had to have a very similar conversation with our children back in June after my father in law died. I hope you are able to find comfort and peace as you begin to carry on and continue to live life to the fullest.
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